the last 3 days...

well the last 3 days have been CRAZY. moved my horse and did everything in between. Hubby2be passed his exam with 88% !! and now he's back at school doing some practice work with his fellow students. I'm realizing my life will generally be with the kids now. Though I had a minor mental breakdown today because I feel like I never get much of a break, I took the kids to the new barn where Lilly is and we actually managed to brush the horse and hang out a bit without any freak outs. Our toddler's hair got licked by the goat and she insisted on trying to pet the chicken's every two seconds, till finally - she succeeded! I dunno those chicken's must have just given up haha she was very impressed with herself. Now we're back home. Baby having a bottle, toddler drawing and me in attempt to catch up on photo work. I'm hoping I can get completely caught up before this Saturday before I add to the pot of craziness and more photos!
hubby2be sud be home very soon (i hope) for supper!

i've cooled off...

I have defiantly cooled off since earlier. hubby2be came home from the gym and the kids stopped screaming... i think sometimes i just need to say it how i feel it. for the first time i've been able to write down what im feeling. it was theraputic. it most defiantly does not mean i am ungrateful for my life. i know i have a very nice life. he works hard for us and especially me - to give me what i've always wanted.
tonight i went to Costco with my mother-in-law, i bought a case of b100 complex vitamin. it's suppose to help with stress & energy. Plus, i attract mosquitos BIG TIME and taking vitamin B is suppose to repel them. I'll try anything as right now i have a mosquito bite on the bottom of my foot. yes, my foot. don't ask.

tomorrow hubby2be has his first exam, wish him lots of LUCK! i'm sure he'll ace it, he's obsessed with weird bodily functions and he's already started talking in a language i have no idea what it is... we were watching a show called 'one born every minute' - while he accused it of making life harder on the mother's and children (we are midwife people, not crazies but we educated ourselves on a lot of hospital protocol before our kids and it's scary what they try to do to you to make THEIR life easier... just saying) but some of the babies were born a bit rough and one looked very grey, he called it some fancy-ass word and then explained it's because they told her not to push till the Doctor came (see what i mean) and the baby didn't receive enough oxygen... or something...
anyway. he's done this several times to me now. haha

im angry...

god im angry today. maybe i just cant handle both these kids. i feel like a freaking two year old. like i dont have a life. i need to work, but i can't. cause everytime i do start i have to get up and stop some catastrophic mess. he's been outside the entire day, not in the house, so i've been all alone. he's the president of our strata. comes and asks if "im okay" and then leaves again. why do you even bother coming to ask, not like it really matters! Just go pressure wash shit that dosn't even really need it and i'll sit here feeling like i have no life. i have packages i need to mail, a horse to ride and photos to edit. do i ever get 3-4 hrs to actually "work" - no, i'm expected to work magically without actually working at all... or getting a chance to... im about a boiling angry red pot of anger right now... im sick of having so much work and not being given any time to do. even when i've asked for it. i might as well just stop taking photos and live as a hermit with the kids. sounds productive to me!
not to mention the longer than crap list of wedding stuff that has to either be made or done... but no, by all means, let's pressure wash for 5 hours straight.

he'll finally be...

he'll finally be my actual husband! after 4.5 years, 2 kids, a house, a truck, 2 dogs, a horse & 2 rats lol HE WILL FINALLY BE MY HUSBAND and... he started his new work out program today so he's ready physically as a paramedic. We have ONE month till this wedding (yesterday). I've spent this week making the decor and the details for our country wedding.
I don't think life will always be easy but it'll be nice. we're working towards our dreams and won't stop till we're there!

What life will be like..

I keep dreaming about what life will be like with a first responder as a husband. I dont think i will worry too much, but i know i will miss him when he's gone for 12hr shifts and the overtime. People still need to get the hospital even if your shift just ended. I wong complain about the uniform or the fact that he will be acivitly involved in our community- it comes naturally for him to put others before himself and help if he can. This will likely lead to our small town knowing him. All I know is once we get where we wanna go... I'll have a ranch, a small town, my kids, a truck, a horse trailer and property full of animals and a husband helping sace people. That's everything I've ever wanted.

the last 48 hours...

This is what I've been doing the last 48 hours... in case you didn't know, it's major crunch time for our wedding... so I just spent the entire weekend (in between screaming children and one photoshoot) making bouquets, boutineers... and more bouquets... sneak peek?

All of it is made by hand. yep all those little flowers... 

hubby2be had a tiring weekend at school, but he seemed to enjoy himself. from what i understand he did CPR training and patient assessments... kinda like this...

apparently i will have to prentend to be injured soon, this is not hard for me as i am generally injured. my hand is finally feeling better from the odd spider bite on the July 1st long weekend... yes, we are almost at the end of the July... 

besides from the obvious stress in this house, we are doing okay. slowly figuring out full time work and school and me likely never being able to sleep again and having a list as long as - well, i don't even know as it's so long i want to drop my head to the desk and - ugh the wedding nightmares are KILLING me. Let's not talk about the fact that i DO NOT have my dress finished. it's in peices and needs a seamstress majorily... luckily know a few, will update on that front when I get to it. 

we are at the one month mark for this wedding. my grandfather went to the hospital this week and is in ICU with possible heart issue... I'm hoping he will be okay as we love him so much! 

Love you Papa!

talk to you soon, wish me well on this wedding stuff...

Just Because...

Just because you hire me to do something does not mean you own me. I am not your property to force your day upon me. I am a stay-at-home mom that runs a small but successful photography buisness on the side. Yes, you have paid money but so have all my other clients, they do not expect Walmart as they know I'm a human, with 2 young babies, a husband that works full time till 6 am and goes to school. You unforunatly don't pay me enough so I can hire nanny so here I am, you have a choice to hire me or not, but don't treat me like my life is nothing to yours. I work hard for you and capture beautiful photos for half the price I should. Next year the pricing is almost double of this year, this is my last year I can work for people like you, next year will be much different. Thank for being understanding!

There's already someone there...

We are at hubby2be's union to pick up some accomidations he's gotten over the years with his recent job for his appilcation for BC Ambulance. I can prove to you his meant to be a paramedic from these recongnitions... Helped a co-worker having a heart attack, put out a car fire that had happened in someone's driveway, helped catch an old lady from falling, A teenage girl was drugged and being taken home by two guys - he called the police as it looked suspicious and possibly saved her life by doing so an for staying calm and taking proper action when there was a gun threat in his workplace. (fyi- he is in a public service job so that is why he has been these types of situations) In the time Ive been with him, he has stopped at every accident (if it looks severe) and there isnt an emergency vehicle already there, just to make sure people are okay. When we first got together I foud it weird and annoying that we 'had' to stop for these things. I figured someone else was there helping already but the truth is as time has gone on I've realized that thats not true. People think like I used to "oh someone else is doing it". We've pulled over on the side of the highway in a blizzard with our horsetailer because a car spun out. The driver was unconcious and the passenegers were in and out. There was no cell service so we waited till highway workers radioed for an ambulance. Before we had pulled over they had been there 20 mins and no one had stopped to help them. I think thats scary and now I know there usually isnt someone there already. I have alot of similar stories that Im sure you'll hear about but this is one of the many that really showed me what kind of man he is and how most people are. Ive told many people that he is in school to be a paramedic now and I keep getting the same response of how it is a very admiral job, helping people on that level. I have always thought the same but the truth is I do not believe you cab go into this job looking for awards or self gratification. I know hubby2be will just be happy to help those he can, an the one's he cant he will try his best for but I do believe he will stay very humble about it as all I ever see from him is him going out of his way to help others and never expecting anything back in return. I wish I could be more like that, though I believe I am more now than I used to be because of him.

I know...

I know we are young. I know I am younger. I know I fell in love with a man that loves me much more than I can ever know. I know I'm difficult and I'm stubborn. I know I got pregnant at 19. I know I asked to stay at home. I know I drive him crazy. I know now he is amazing. I know now how much I love him. I know I want the best for him and I know now he will. I know our life has been a ride so far. I know I put off marrying him for too long now. I know I want to be all his, our two little babies and a family whole now. I just know now, it will be much different. Much faster now. Much lonlier but full of more love now. I know now he will come home happy. He will help people. He will be damn sexy, thats for sure. I know now he does it all for us. What I want. How he'll give me my little ranch and all my horses. I know he is a good man. A great man and I know I love him.

cool off day.

yesterday we went and looked for a new place to board my horse. it's unfortunate i have to move her, so I'm hoping the new place I found will be permanent till we move up north for paramedic work. where we will have our own property so lilly will always just be steps away. the board is cheaper at the new place, but i will not have a ring to work in, just trails and if i really want to i can ride to a ring in the park near by. which i will likely do a few times a month if i get more time. generally the big thing about this new place is my horse will be with other horses and have 10 acres to roam as a herd, which is great.
today we are going to meet with our caterers for our wedding (who happen to be my aunt and uncle) and then hopefully get grain and dog food. we need to be there by 2 so i better go. will write some more later.

go. go. go. go. STOP

What we did today... ( are you ready for this - btw this is NORMAL.)

1) woke up
2) went to the rcmp office; added the info for my citizenship being stolen and then tried to talk to them about Husky and getting an ID on the person... they told us to phone the non-emerg line... again...
3) drove our Ram on empty to the US boarder so we could get cheaper gas. got SUPER cheap gas! (we filled up for $128 instead of $185 here!)
4) went grocery shopping in the states, picked up a bottle of whiskey for $20 (it's huge) for the bar for our wedding in August (haha, yea, in the midst of all this I'm planning a wedding - virtually all alone too)
5) got a text from the farrier saying she was at the barn and waiting for me. drove the highway quick and got there just in time.
6) found out my horse either needs shoes or boots since her soles are very soft and she'll be sensitive to rocks and other tough grounds most of her life... (i'm going to opt for boots for now)
7) cleaned out the paddock, filled the water and stalked up the hay
8) raced into vancouver for a meeting at hubby2be work (ugh, dont get me started)
9) went home. got home... finally... 6.5 hours later...
10) set up our toddler's new swimming pool! she loves it...
11) drank a mike's hard lemonade and ate a steak dinner, was pretty decent.
12) hubby2be dad came by. then my dad came by (grandpa day)
13) I realized our wedding is a month away and panicked - this made me bring out my note book and write a new list to the lists i already had going... yep, i should really get ON this stuff...
14) hubby2be wanted me to go to his dad's with him (his parents recently separated so it's still a bit weird going back to the same place they used to be together in. it was even weird for me. first time i'd been in there since the split. hubby2be mom now lives with us. we have a 3 bedroom townhouse, its a bit tight but we're making it by and she's really organized so far, it's helping our disorganized state... she's been trying to help me with the kids but she works quite alot too and they are our kids...)
15) finally get home. AGAIN. 11pm. decide to edit some photos and get a call from a client wanting photos tomorrow morning. i agree.
16) now writing this blog, edited the wedding from last weekend for an hour and hubby2be studying beside me, telling me weird medical terms i have no idea what they mean and smiling as he says it...

my day tomorrow is looking about the same. i'll leave tomorrow for tomorrow though as it's a whole other story all together. kinda windy right now too but a cool 19' degrees... just got my blood pressure taken, i was used to it when I was preggers but they were fast at it and i'm a whimp. so i complained through most of it so i had to get it again... lol

now he wants to teach me how to take bloodpressure... guess i'll be off her for tonight. have a "calm" day tomorrow lol (for me).

a stolen weekend.

So.... my wallet was stolen. saturday morning I woke up, puffy eyed from crying from loosing my citizenship card and my children's care-cards, not to mention all my ID to call VISA and report the card stolen and yep 600-700 in gas charges late at night.
 I remembered having it at the reception friday night, and the visa was charged at about 11.30 pm on. So yea, reception - either a guest of the 50 or so people there or an employee but the venue is swearing by their employees.
Which I haven't placed blame on anyone, I just know one of those visa charges came from a Husky and it had a street address. I know I could get that video surveillance and the Bride and Groom already said without a doubt they would look at the tape as well as the venue owner. So I call in a police report as Visa advised me to. I called all my banks and they cancelled the debt cards as well as my hubby2be, so he of course went to use it at his first day of school and couldn't get lunch...

Anyway, I got a call back from the venue owner later that day, she said someone had also tried to break into her office that night. (what a scum-bag but whatever) So, I call the police back, say "look if we get that surveillance, we can get an ID." The police say "oh in this case.. Visa is the victim since it was their card that was stolen"! HAHA my property and ID was stolen too! I'm the worst arguer though, basically I'm too nice and tend to take people's crap unless I've had time to think over my options. So I call Visa. Visa insist that my charges will be reversed and that I won't be responsible. I explain about the venue and how they can ID the person. They keep telling me not to worry and that it's okay. I hang up. WASTE OF TIME.

So, finally I talk to hubby2be on the phone, he says he'll go with me on Tuesday (tomorrow) to the police station and we'll get them to go get the servallience. I think in this case, it would be worth it to ID this person. It is someone my Bride and Groom trusted and now... they feel pretty raped of their friendship. Not to mention stole from someone they hired and trusted with a big part of their day. ugh... so i spent all of saturday calling around and reporting my cards stolen. I'm worried about Identity theft and the whole nine yards so I hope they just chucked my wallet, oh please CHUCK MY WALLET.

My biggest thing was, why didn't they just take the cash and visa and leave the wallet? It is so sad the way people behave. I don't understand how you do that to someone period but why make it worse for someone. I have sure learned from this experience, I will never carry my wallet around to a wedding again. Just my DL and maybe a care-care in case I need it, in a little card holder on my hip or something like that.

If you want to know about the rest of the weekend... hubby2be spent all of Saturday night studying procedures on what to do when he gets to accidents and Sunday he went off to school again. I took my baby and toddler to my grandma's for our newborn's babyshower. It was really nice and he got alot of cute clothes!

 Hubby didn't study Sunday night and took a break, which was nice (I'm quickly starting to see how my new life will be with a husband as a paramedic - this past 2 weeks i've hardly seen him and it's about to continue like this - but he really wants this and I want it for him too.)

By today, I was wiped. I haven't slept-in.. in about 4 weeks. Today I attempted it, and thought maybe I would if hubby2be would get up with the kids but he was too tired and had to work at 5pm today so I got up. By 11.30am I was falling over almost asleep while I fed the baby and watched our toddler rip our house apart. I crawled back into bed and asked if he could get up and watch them. I slept till 1.30pm today, then sat and waited to replace my DL at driver's services, hubby2be got his first stethoscope and blood pressure (thing) - I don't know the technical name. Then I mailed a couple invites and it was time for him to go to work. I never got a chance to go down and see my horse, I hope I do tomorrow. The dogs ate their last bowls of food tonight so that's on the list now too. I don't think there's enough hours in the day anymore. And right now I feel guilty because I should be editing photos!

this weekend was so nuts, i chewed my two fingers on my right hand down to pain (which I normally DO NOT DO) and now i'm wearing band-aids and polysporn in hopes they will stop hurting and heal faster... on top of it, I just found out tonight I may need to find my horse another barn *drops head to desk*...

have a good week! sleep-in if you can (for me)!

(one) of our dogs. wish i could crash like that.

I woke up.

He left for school. Baby woke up screaming and I remembered that my wallet was still gone... Please if there is something out there... Bring me back that wallet so I dont wake up again with a puffy face and feelimg like I should have known Better and that maybe I shouldn't be so trusting. Our grocery money for this week was in there.... The one time I actually HAVE cash!!! So here I am in bed alone with the one mnth old...

A hard night, a tougher tomorrow.

My husband to be starts his first day of EMR training in 6 hours at 8am. My overall stress level has been quite high the past few weeks. We have a newborn and a toddler and since hubby2be works night shifts and has been doing all his pre-reading, so my lack of sleep and interacting on a level of toddler-ism is getting the best of me. And to top it off .... Haha i run a small photography buisness well tonight at a 10 hour wedding i lost my wallet... My stress level is now at an all time high. Ive had to hear hubby2be go off on me for loosing things, which all i can see in my head is my babies carecards ... I know he wants me to be more carrful but i tonight i was being super paranoid about my stuff and I feel like I was doing good. Since none of my other stuff got lost Im hoping it fell out. Ive called and emailed everyone i can so tomorrow, if by chance god decides ti gravr me with some presence my wallet will come back to me. Oh god please!!! Anyway, as you can tell... We're in fora rocky ride once tomorrow starts. Hubby2be will get no sleeo before school. He'll be home at 4am and needs to leave for school at 7am. He'll get to sleep tomorrow for sunday class but any chance for sleep ins for me are virtually gone. All i want to do is get up north. Where my horse can live outsife my door steps and people dont take wallets...